28 July 2010, 10:28 am
Thank you for those that read my first draft. I have made some updates and think this is much better thanks to Bliss. Any comments and critique will be greatly appreciated! Remember, this is a short story, so alot of details will be left to your imagination. What do you think? Soul Protector by Ashlyn Valentino Charlie grabbed the picture from his nightstand and bolted out of the front door, almost tripping over Alfie. Alfie was grandma’s 105-year-old yellow lab— that’s in dog years, of course. They shared the same birthday together, only one year apart. Charlie just turned 14, but somehow, since the passing of his parents and grandfather, he felt older, wiser. Alfie acknowledged the disturbance of his nap with a lazy, single bark and then settled his head back down on his arthritic paws to dream the rest of the summer day away. Across the street, Ashley was playing in her tree house, using her dad’s fishing pole to hook small bags of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish her mom left for her under the shade of the huge tree. She perched herself on a small wooden platform that was constructed on one of the large branches supporting the tree house. Charlie strolled into the backyard and waved up at Ashley covering his eyes from the sun while adjusting his sight to see Ashley under the shade of the tree. “Hey, whatcha doin’?”sporting a silly grin from ear to ear, his hands coming down to his sides and fumbling for shelter in his shorts pockets. He always had a bit of nervous excitement when he would first see her. “Trying to fish,” she replied, her wide eyes growing narrow; she was glaring now. “But SOMEbody is swimming where I’m trying to fish and scaring ‘em all away!” she said sticking out her tongue and then smiling. Charlie laughed, “maybe you need better bait?” “Just get up here before the sharks get you!” Charlie scrambled up the board ladder, nailed to the side of the tree, and climbed through the bottom hatch of the little tree house. Crawling along the branch to the wooden platform where Ashley sat, Charlie gingerly positioned himself next to his cute, little brown hair, brown-eyed neighbor. For as long as he could remember, Charlie had a crush on her, but only his grandparents knew. He was too afraid to risk changing their perfect friendship. Ashley’s mom poked her head out of the second floor house window, “you two better be careful up there! Oh,” she paused to take a mental picture of the scene. “Let me get the camera; you two look so adorable!” Charlie and Ashley looked at each other and made a sour face. They both felt self-conscious when forewarned about a picture being taken. Mom came out with an old Polaroid camera and pointed it up towards them on the tree branch. “Say cheeseburger!” Ashley’s mom beamed from behind the camera. They beamed back at her, arm in arm, celebrating a simple— but memorable summer day of their youth. As the flash lit up the shadows of the giant oak tree, Charlie could feel Ashley start to tremble and shake. This wasn’t good. She sometimes - rarely really - had a tendency to go into epileptic seizures. As rare as they are, they usually happened while she was watching t.v. or looking at the computer screen. Never before had a seizure been triggered by a camera flash. Before Charlie could grasp the seriousness of the situation, Ashley shook free of his arm and slid off the edge, plummeting towards the green grass 15 feet below. Her mother screamed and ran to where she landed on the ground. Despite being lost in a state of shock, Charlie scrambled down from the tree and whisked himself to Ashley’s side. “No, no, no!” Ashley’s mom cried, as she gently lifted her head, finding a tree root underneath along with some blood. Instantly, shock turned to urgency. “Call 911! Now, Charlie, call them!” As he quickly, nervously dove his hand into his pocket to retrieve his cell phone, he called for help. Despite the lack of clarity in Charlie’s trembling words, the operator took note of the situation and assured Charlie that help was on the way. “They’ll be here soon” he said to Ashley’s mom, almost on the verge of tears, looking down at Ashley’s now still body. The convulsions stopped once she lost consciousness. Charlie reached into his other pocket instinctively, as his mind became numb with sadness, and found the photo. He pulled the photo out and looked down at his grandfather’s peaceful, angelic smile. The photo pictured his grandfather and himself when he was maybe ten-years-old, pausing for a break on their hike along a wooded path of the Appalachian Trail. This was his most cherished and favorite picture of them together. It was the doorway. On the other side, Charlie - and Ashley, would be protected. He knew what he had to do and he had to do it quickly. Charlie kneeled down and held Ashley’s hand. The air became light, as his surroundings began to blur. He allowed the darkness and butterflies to envelop the both of them, all the while repeating in his head, “Come on, come on, you’re going to be okay.” He held her hand as firmly as possible without trying to hurt her. His love for her was pure and innocent. Charlie wouldn’t allow anything to happen to her, not his Ashley. After the whirlwind of wings and bright lights subsided, Charlie came back to consciousness. He found himself lying on the ground next to the trail. His eyes fluttered open, discovering his grandfather’s gentle, wise eyes looking back at him. “Where is she? Is she here?” Charlie asked starting to look around. “She’s fine, she’s right here Charlie, you did good” his grandfather said consolingly, pointing to his side at Ashley as she began to stir. Charlie smiled in relief, and reached over to hold her hand again. “She’ll be ok as long as she’s here… un “She’ll be ok as long as she’s here… until she gets some help” Grandpa explained. “What happened? What’s going on?” Ashley said in a fog, and began to sit up. Charlie sat up along with Ashley, “everything’s going to be ok.” They looked into each other’s eyes, as Charlie smiled. @some half blood - you must really have a hard time getting through a paperback if you thought this tiny short story was long! hehe... Read More »
Share on del.icio.us
Share on digg
Share on Technorati
Share on reddit
Share on Yahoo!
Share on Furl
